rough cut 1

You have a few nice shots but on the whole there is lots to improve on in order to bring your piece up into the higher levels:

You need an institutional logo - at least one at the start

You need at least another 30 seconds of footage

The notebook on the bench is not great

Your titles are not in the correct order - look at your research for this

The voice over is not good - there are gaps in it - will you add in non diegetic music?

The Film Title font and lavishness is bad - does not fit in with the genre

Some of the shots are out of focus and need to be filmed again

The narrative doesn't make sense - does he love him? who is it? I thought it was meant to be a gangster film - it feels like a love story at the moment.

As Ryan is in it (and was warned not to be by Miss Peacock) he cannot get any marks for use of camera at the moment.

For rough cut two you need to focus on the narrative and what you are actually trying to produce because it is all a little confusing at the moment.